I’m so honored to have you show up in this space. Most people who come here are in deep pain and are looking for ways to abate their grief. And the truth is, it’s hard to understand the experience of grief until you are in it. But I want you to know that even though you may not feel “normal”, you are not “crazy”. You are hurting because you’ve lost something or someone you loved. Grief is always about love. And when we lose what we love, it hurts. It’s painful, but you don’t have to let go of your love to release your pain.

So, what are some ways that you can begin to acknowledge your loss and heal?

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Feel your feelings. Acknowledge them for what they are. According to Dr. Dan Siegel, simply naming your emotions will help to calm the brain and give you some access to the thinking part of your brain. He calls it, “name it to tame it.” Can you pause and feel your emotions? Can you put words to them? Here’s a feelings chart that may help: feelingswheel.com

Feelings can be scary and you may need to schedule a time during the day to sit with your feelings for only 20-30 minutes if your grief is interrupting your day or you find you are trying to ignore your emotions. Writing in a journal or doing some art therapy is a great way to process feelings. One thing I want to point out is that we have a tendency to edit our feelings. But I want you to write or draw without editing those feelings. Be curious. See what comes up. As Lysa TerKeurst has said, our “emotions are indicators, not dictators.” Ask what your emotions are wanting to tell you. If you find you are experiencing emotional overwhelm, you may need to see a good grief counselor to help you process your emotions in a healthy way. If you don’t have anyone local, I have a list of national providers, who have professionals in your state, on my Resource Page that may be of help to you. I want you to know that God sees EVERY tear you cry. He saves them because you are THAT precious to Him! And we know this from Psalm 56:3 where King David reminds us, “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” I hope you will keep this in mind as you go through your journey.

Don’t grieve alone. Yes, you will need time alone. However, you were created for community–the Bible and science both confirm this. Isn’t it something that at the very time we need people the most is the time we are most likely to retreat and withdraw? This is a choice you have when everything else may feel uncontrollable. You can reach out to your safe people, those who do not judge, condemn, or try to fix you. They accept you exactly as you are. Remember when Jesus visited Mary and Martha after Lazarus died? He didn’t judge them for not having enough faith, he cried with them even though He knew He was going to raise Lazarus from the dead. He attuned to their needs and cared for them. Choose at least one person with whom you can share how you are really doing. Allow them to reach out and care for you. I think you may feel some of the heaviness lift when you share your grief with someone.

Take time for self-care. When we experience loss, we can either forget about our needs by not caring or we can be so eager to move forward that we put all of our energy on what to do next. But you can’t do what you need to do in life if you are not giving any of your time and energy to yourself. Some ways for self-care involve spending time in God’s Word, especially the Psalms. Listen to what God is speaking to you. Pray. Pour out your heart to God out loud. Go for a walk. Walking releases endorphins, our “feel-good” hormones. Watch a movie. Garden or plant flowers. Make a healthy meal or pick one up from a local restaurant. Serve others. Your local shelter, food bank, church, or pregnancy center most likely have volunteer opportunities.

Sign-up for my email list and get access to a compilation of songs that I’ve put together that may be comforting to you. If you cannot listen to music right now due to your grief, you may be interested in listening to a podcast. See my resources page for some of my favorites.

The first book I would recommend reading is a small book by Dr. H. Norman Wright, Experiencing Grief. The Kindle version is less than $3, and you can access it instantly with the Kindle App.

I saved the best for last. Know that God is with you. You are not alone even though you may feel alone. He said He would never leave you or forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6; Joshua 1:5). I know it may be difficult to remember right now, but please don’t forget this. Your faith may waver, but God WILL be faithful to you. His presence is with you and His Spirit guides you. I remember Pastor Ron Dunn, after the death of his son, state that he had hit “rock bottom” and realized it was solid ground in the hands of God. Your faith is truly built on Christ, who is The Solid Rock, as the old hymn reminds us.