I don’t know about you, but there seems to be something about fall that brings a shift in how I feel. Maybe it’s the changing weather or the simple fact that I know the holidays are approaching.

Football and the Holidays

I was thinking about how something as simple as football season can activate so much grief. If football was a part of your relationship with your person, or perhaps they loved football even if you didn’t, then football season can be a reminder of another season without your loved one. Many of your friends may be talking about going to a weekend game reminding you of what you either won’t be doing or what you might be doing with others, but without your favorite person. You try to smile and have fun and enjoy the moment, but there are so many little reminders that bring your grief to the forefront because all those little things that once went unnoticed are now staring you in the face. And once football season is over, you are well into the holiday season with your grief amplified even more. (Click here to read an article about grief and the holidays.)

So, what’s a griever to do amid a heavy season when life already takes everything you have just to survive?

Count It as a Win

First, give yourself permission to be okay with surviving. It’s a win. Grievers know that it can take every ounce of energy to simply get out of bed, get dressed, and have a little something to eat, much less take care of other chores that need to be done.

Pause and Ask Questions

Second, use the HALT skill. Ask yourself, “Am I hungry, angry, lonely, or tired?” Sometimes our body is trying to tell us that it needs some sustenance to keep going or perhaps if you aren’t sleeping well at night, your body could use a nap. All of these things make a big difference anytime we notice that we are struggling more than usual.

Get Outside

Third, get out into nature. Research shows that green and blue spaces can bring calm to our bodies. No, it won’t take your grief pain away, but it will allow you to breathe a little deeper and focus on the beauty around you reminding you of the glimmers of hope when you feel like you are in a dark tunnel going nowhere.

Make Your Needs Known

Fourth, use a direct ask. What is a direct ask? It’s letting others know what you need when you need it. For example, when a special date approaches, ask someone to call and check in on you that week. Maybe you ask someone to invite you to coffee. Tell someone when you need extra support. Let others know what you need instead of hoping that they remember. This helps to lessen disappointments and keep communication open. Author Anne Lamott says, “expectations are resentments under construction”. Most people just don’t know how, but I think they are more than willing to show up for you if you ask!

Social Support

One of the biggest predictors in how someone moves forward with grief is social support. We are hard-wired for connection. It’s how God made us – to live in community with others. Think about this…there is nothing that God asks you to do that is outside of relationship with either Himself or other people. So, find some good relationships where you feel supported and notice the difference it makes for you.

Joy and Sorrow

Friend, the fall season is hard and filled with so many activating days and activities. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but you are going to make it through. No, it won’t be easy. You will have moments of joy sprinkled throughout and you will have moments when your heart breaks all over again. With the help of God and others, you will learn how to build something new. And that something new will be a life that you love even when you still carry the absence of your loved one. Joy and sorrow. They exist together even while the sorrow changes day by day, leading to a grief that is filled with more love than pain.