Grief is a strange thing; and at the same time, it’s very normal. One minute life seems to be going well, and then seemingly out of nowhere the earth gives way under your feet. You feel as though you are free-falling with no place to land. And then when you do land, it can feel like walking on Jello© – nothing feels steady in life. Even when you start to feel a little bit of joy, you catch yourself and either feel disloyal or you begin to fear that if you feel the joy, it will make it that much harder when the bottom falls out again.

Is God Trustworthy?

And what about your relationship with God? Can He be trusted? After all, couldn’t He have stopped the tragedy? Did you feel like He promised you something and failed to come through? And why is there so much pain? Where is His peace and comfort? Is He even there at all?

Friend, you are not the first person to ask these questions. They have been handed down to us since the Garden of Eden when the serpent said to Eve, “Can you really trust God?” Often times, our losses feel like God has betrayed us. It hurts. It’s painful, and we want to move away from it as quickly as possible before it swallows us whole. But that is not how grief works, and it’s not how God operates.

Unfortunately, we live in a fallen world that is highly susceptible to sin. And sin always has consequences. Some of them are short-lived, and some are passed on from generation to generation.

I think many times it can be easier to blame God and say that He is not trustworthy than it is to accept that there are some things in life that are out of our control. It’s difficult to accept that death happens, life changes, and there is nothing you can do about it. As much as you want to stop death in this life, you cannot. But in truth, there are some things you can do.

Embrace the Pure Grief

Many times, what feels like a betrayal can also be an attempt to avoid the grieving process. You look for someone to blame because it feels safer. You place judgements on yourself and/or others, knowing that judgment demands punishment. You want to find who is responsible so that they can be punished in some way. Until you realize that there is nothing you could have done to stop what happened and you get to the pure grief.

Getting to the pure grief is what allows you to feel the pain and move through it. I know it can be scary to allow yourself to feel the pain. You worry that if you give into the pain that it will envelope you like a fog that you will never come out of. Friend, the truth is that feeling your feelings is what allows you the space to move through them so that the feelings of grief are not a crushing weight.

Embrace the Darkness

Have you heard about buffalos and how they run into the storm instead of away from it? Yes, that’s right – buffalos will run headfirst into a storm to get through it. Somehow, they intuitively know that if they run away from it, they will be running until they can’t run anymore and the storm will catch up with them. So, they turn and face the darkness to minimize the time they are in it.

We all experience the storms of grief and loss. You cannot escape those storms. But you can decide how you will face the storm. Will you try to avoid it and use all of your energy for escape? Or will you face it head-on and move through the grief with the help of social support?

Embrace God and People

Friend, you come from generations of those who have gone through the grief process. It is a natural, yet painful process in life that cannot be avoided. God has not betrayed you. He has allowed you to make choices that sometimes have lasting effects like with Adam and Eve. But God also comes alongside you and walks with you during the storm. He doesn’t leave you to face it alone. He gives you the promise of His presence. He gives you the comfort of the Holy Spirit. He sends people into your life to support you in various ways. Sometimes, the things you are looking for are right in front of you, but you are unaware of it. How can you embrace your grief so that you can move through it (so it doesn’t feel so crushing) and embrace the new life that is before you? It’s not an easy task, but it is a necessary one.