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Did you know that according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, approximately 2.8 million people die each year leaving about 5 people that are affected by each death? That’s about 14 million people each year who are experiencing grief. So, why do we usually feel so alone when we are grieving? Well, I think it’s because grief is just…well, awkward. No one wants to say the wrong thing or people simply do not know what to say, so instead they say nothing at all. This leaves each grieving person to grieve alone. When we experience grief, we can have a tendency to isolate ourselves to avoid the awkwardness that we expect or receive.

There was a study done in 2019 that showed that in the previous 3 years, 57% of Americans experienced a major loss, and 91% of them felt that they were expected to move on from the loss after 1 year. Some said they felt others expected them to be over it after 3 months! If you lose a spouse, for instance, there is no way that you will “be over them” after a year – especially if you were married for many years. These kinds of statements leave us feeling that people do not understand our grief which causes us to not talk about what we are going through.

Grief is multi-faceted

Grief is painful. It doesn’t only affect your heart, it affects your physical, spiritual, emotional, and mental health. It’s multi-faceted! When grief strikes, we are thrust into a world of unexplainable pain and heartache. Grief is like a tangled ball of emotions. One moment you can feel one way, and the next moment you can feel the exact opposite!

Did you know that you can actually feel pain in your body due to grief? Yes, that’s right! Grief can affect your physical body. It can manifest as headaches, stomachaches, neck pain, and all-over muscle pain. So, no—you are not going crazy if you are feeling pain in your body!

Broken Heart Syndrome

According to the American Heart Association, there is a link between depression, mental health, and cardiac disease. You’ve heard the term “broken heart”. That’s what grief feels like, but there is actually something called “broken heart syndrome” and it affects women more than men as a result of a surge in hormones. It can cause intense chest pain brought on as a result of a stressful event. (The good news is it’s treatable and usually short-term!) But self-care really is important!

Self-care

With the holiday season fast-approaching, self-care will be even more important. I’ll touch on one tip you can use in this post. If you’d like to know more ways to help yourself (or encourage someone you love who is experiencing grief) you can get your copy of How to Navigate Grief during the Holidays here.

So, what is this important self-care tip? Breathing. It’s so important to take time to simply breathe. Many times, most of us breathe from our chest, but this is shallow breathing. However, we need to take time to breathe from our diaphragm, and this takes intentionality. You will know you are breathing from your diaphragm when you notice your lower belly moving in and out. If you take a moment to pay attention to how you breathe normally, many of you will notice that your upper chest or shoulders are the parts that are moving. When you take time to breathe deeply, you are allowing your autonomic nervous system to work in your favor. The inhale gives your body energy while the exhale helps to calm you.

Try this when you are ready and have had some time to process your grief. (Note: Some find they need to simply try focusing on their body. If you become dysregulated, simply stop and try again after some time has passed and you have had an opportunity to express your grief feelings to another. If you are struggling with the fact that you are alive and your loved one is not, this may not be the time for this exercise, and that is okay. Merely acknowledge you are not at this point yet in your journey.) But if you feel ready, take a moment to get comfortable and quiet. Relax your body. Try to focus your attention on your breath. Begin to thank God for the breath that He has given you. Imagine God breathing His breath into you. Notice whether or not your belly is moving in or out. You may need to put your hands on your belly to help remind you where to breathe from. Now, take a deep breath—in through the nose for 4 counts. Hold it for 4 counts. Exhale through the mouth, allowing the breath to flow over your lips to the count of 4. Hold again for the count of 4. This is called box breathing. It’s kind of like drawing an imaginary box for the four 4-counts. Repeat for a couple of minutes or until you can begin to notice that you are feeling calmer. Some people say they feel clearer when they finish. If it’s too quiet for you after the first time, try turning on some worship music the next time. When you finish, take time to notice if and how you feel different.

Connecting with God

It’s so important to take time to notice what is going inside of your body. It helps you to know how you are feeling at any given time. And most importantly, it helps you to connect with the Holy Spirit and hear what He is saying to you.

Remember, even though you may feel alone in your grief, God tells us that He is always with us. But we have to take time to notice and experience Him. He is there even when the way is extremely dark.

What will you do today to connect with God and take care of the one, precious body He has given you? Maybe it’s simply to get up, get dressed, and eat something. It doesn’t have to be anything big. I don’t know what it is for you, but I do know we each have an opportunity before us today. What will you do with the opportunity that is in front of you?