When we think about grief, we don’t normally think about single people. Many times, we think of singles as having the time of their lives without the added responsibility of a spouse or children.

But have you stopped to consider those you know who are single and the loss they may be feeling?

While it’s true that not everyone wants a relationship, many do – and that is the focus of this article.

I remember what it was like to be a twenty-something who didn’t date much but saw many of my friends go from one relationship to the next.

It looked like so much fun!

At 20, I reasoned that I had time and trusted that God would provide someone for me in His time.

But what if I had still been single at 30, 40, or 50? Would I have remained optimistic?

Honestly, probably not.

It’s hard when you have a desire in your heart that isn’t being granted.

Especially when your faith community seems to stress the importance of it.

It can be experienced as a loss of a hope or dream and feel like we have been robbed of something we thought God would give us.

We feel cheated in some way.

Hey girl—I want you to know I see you!

It hurts when we want something, resolve to wait for God’s best, only to feel as if it is never coming.

Maybe you’ve been dreaming of your wedding since you were 5 years old. Maybe you bought the bridal magazines and started planning for your wedding while you were in college.

But the day never came because the dating relationship never came – or if it did, it didn’t last.

And that leaves you feeling lonely and isolated in an already lonely time of this pandemic.

In an effort to get what we want, sometimes, we can become involved with someone who pays attention to us and tells us things we want to hear; but we know they aren’t God’s best.

It’s just so nice to have someone to spend time with and hear them tell us all of the things they love about us.

I get it. Most of us like that. We are hard-wired for connection!

I want you to know that your desire is perfectly normal. It’s okay to desire it.

But what isn’t okay is when that desire becomes a demand. It becomes something we HAVE to have. And if we don’t get it, life is awful.

But I think it’s important to understand what it is that you value and what you are looking for in a relationship.

Get a piece of paper and write it down. Know who you are and what’s important to you.

And don’t let your circumstance or desire change that.

Talk to God about it and read His Word to get clear on what you believe God is saying to you. This doesn’t happen overnight. It takes spending time with God in prayer on a regular basis.

If something needs to change, God will show you.

You see, what you focus on grows. Are you focusing on what you don’t have or are you focusing on growing in Christ?

I’m not saying this to minimize your feelings or your experience.  It’s hard. It’s not how you thought your life would go.

This is where your grief work comes in. Be sad. Be angry. Feel your feelings and acknowledge them for what they are. Talk to your safe people about it.

And after you have done those things, surrender your desire to God. Ask Him what you need to do next? What’s the next right thing?

I say I like to remind God of His promises to me; but really, God wants to remind me.

He says He will give us the desires of our hearts (Psalm 37:4). But what does He say before that? He tells us first to delight in Him. And before that, verse 3 tells us to trust in the Lord and to do good and to cultivate faithfulness.

Wow! We tend to like the part about God granting the desires of our hearts, but often want to skip over what He asks us to do first.

You may be familiar with Proverbs 3:5-6 which tells us to trust in the Lord and to not trust our own understanding of things, but acknowledge and trust in God to lead us.

Are you doing that today? Are you trusting in your own plan? Are you using your own strength to make things happen that you want to happen?

Or are you delighting in and seeking after God, trusting Him to direct you and lead you—even in your relationships?